


Simple Distraction

by pinkcherry



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Post-Break Up, bambam and jaebum are strictly platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:34:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10336736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkcherry/pseuds/pinkcherry
Summary: Jaebum doesn't actually know how to fix his own broken heart. So he gets a little help.





	

Jaebum quickly turned his head the other way, focusing his gaze on the tiled floor, like as if he was counting the squares that made up the floor. It was better that way, because the painful hollow feeling in his chest was unbearable, he wouldn’t be able to take it. But the noises around him, especially the laughter and the squeaking, voice booming from wall to wall made him feel trapped within the void he foolishly threw himself in. He felt stupid, manipulated, and worse, broken. But he was also the front man of their group, the leader, the one who carried every single burden of the members and the group in whole. So he kept the facade strong, built a much more stable and rigid wall. He couldn’t be weak, especially not now. He needed to focus, the group needed to focus, and if was so ever lose his touch over the mere ache of his heart, the strength and bond of the group will fall apart. They couldn’t take another hit.

But he couldn’t help it. He was still thinking about it and his body was unconsciously responding to the emotional receptors in his brain. The nerves kicking in as his finger continuously tapped nervously against his knee, his other leg shaking as he blinked rapidly. He tried everything and anything he can to prevent the tears from swelling around his eyes and trailing down his cheeks. He told himself to find his happy place. To distract himself, away from the impending thoughts, away from what was causing him to have troubles breathing.

It was no use. Because his happy place was back to the memory of the first night he felt his heart soar and his world shine. And that same existing happy place was what brought him down to his downfall. He felt stupid. Incredibly stupid. And once he realized he couldn’t take it anymore, he stood up from his seat, excused himself to the bathroom with a wavering tone and exited out the room. Once he was out of the sight of the staff and the members, he dashed for the bathroom and locked himself in a stall.

Jaebum didn’t cry his eyes out, because he couldn’t. Perhaps it was because of the lack of sleep or maybe because he already dried himself out. The few tears that do slipped though, he felt defeat.

“Stop it. It’s been a month.”

 

* * *

 

Jaebum threw his blanket over his head and curled up into a fetal position. The room quiet, not even the city of Seoul broke through the thin walls. And that was when he finally broke. In quiet sobs and muffled cries. The others couldn’t hear.

So what about everything they've done?

 

* * *

 

 

 

He cursed lowly, rubbing his face in nothing but stressed as he watched their filmed and uploaded interview for a magazine shoot. He wished his fans didn’t catch the look of displeasure and translated it into what it truly was. Jaebum knew it wouldn’t be like that. The fans were as clueless as the other five members, as clueless as the staff, and as clueless as anyone who didn’t witness anything. But he saw it and that made it twenty times worse. He didn’t mean to slip but he had and he couldn’t help but pound his fist on the wooden table and yell out a tiny curse. The sound of his balled up hand against the table vibrated throughout the room. He hoped no one woke up from it.

The image kept replaying in his head, over and over again until it completely consumed him, almost until he fused. But he took a long inhale of breath, calming his beating heart, an exercise he had practiced a billion thousand times over his teenage years up until he was twenty, anger issues and all. He just buried his face in his hand and continue to breath slowly.

But it didn’t help, the video kept playing in his head and the heart ache was kept alive. He remembered every single millisecond of his mere reaction when Jackson had reached over him to give Mark’s thigh a reassuring squeeze, throwing a joke that Jaebum forgot to pretend to laugh at. Because his eyes followed where his hand landed and the facade broke and his walls came crashing down. His smile faltered into a completely frown and the brightness in his eyes disappeared, the pupil dilating in nothing but jealousy. It took him a few seconds to bring that smile back, but it was no longer the same for the next minute of the video until it ended. He just hoped no one else would notice.

“It’s been a month and a half. We need to get over this, Jaebum.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jaebum figured time doesn’t heal a broken heart. And he was afraid it would heal much longer than when it started beating for another. Which scared him, because it had been four long damn years when his eyes had landed on the foreign idol. It had been four long years since his heart leaped in joy when he had thrown a shoulder around his shoulder to congratulate him on who knew what. Jaebum couldn’t even remember anymore. But he knew he doted him, admired the very ground he walked on, even played favorites.

“Two months.”

It had been two exact months. Two damn months since his fatal rejection. Since Jackson Wang, the only person who made Jaebum the happiest, had rejected the idea of Jaebum, the idea of a potential possibility at love. But Jaebum thought it was completely unfair. Because he swore the pair of lips he had kissed so dearly on multiple occasions had kissed him back with the same fever and the same passion. All those nights they spent just staring at one another, as if words were nothing compared to laying next to each other, communication their feelings with nothing but loving gazes.

And now, Jaebum was simply nothing but a past escapade to Jackson. Like as if he had only been in his life for a mere second and nothing more. As if everything they went through vanished along with his words of rejection.

But Jackson was still right, he still made sense, and Jaebum still worshiped every living spec of him. Because he still loved Jackson, even if he no longer looked at him the same way. Even when he was dodged without a pinch of being subtle about it. Even when Jackson walked pass by him like he didn’t even exist, even when he had to meet the emptiness in his eyes. Jaebum would still take the bullet, give him everything Jaebum was. He was willing to continue to love him even if hurt so _so_ damn bad.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t long until Jaebum felt numb from the pain, or perhaps it had just decreased in degree. Because Jaebum no longer cried himself to sleep, he no longer had the urge to keep his eyes on Jackson. He looked at Jackson with the same emptiness as Jackson looked back at him. He no longer looked out for Jackson and he no longer chased for a glimpse of a least a smidge of care in his expressions. Perhaps it was because he too dodged Jackson like the plague after that video. Or perhaps he had actually moved on. Either way, Jaebum felt all sorts of wrong. And soon enough he knew someone would notice. Because even when Jackson ignored him, he still made it seem like he still cared when he evidently didn’t. But now that Jaebum is no longer responding, someone was bound to notice.

And they were caught by the least person Jaebum thought would. He expected Jinyoung or maybe even Mark for they knew Jaebum the best. But Jinyoung was busy being pleased by Jackson’s every effort to spoil him and Mark was dealing with problems back home. They didn’t even notice their very own great friend falling in despair. Jaebum pretended like he wasn't affected, despite recounting all those times he had dropped everything for them. 

“Hyung,” Bambam had snuck in his shared room with Jackson, his hair disheveled in a way that no one outside of the dorm would ever see. His face was bloated and his eyes were tired, eye bags drooping. Jaebum was quick to wake up, because it was rare for the younger to even approach him. It was even more rare for Bambam to have the courage to come looking for his help in the middle of the night. This had to be important and Jaebum had to be ready to prepare himself, drowsy or not. “I don’t know what’s happening, but you can lean on me too.”

“What?” Jaebum yawned as he stared at Bambam, his eyes still adjusting in the dark. His ears picking up the movements at the top bunk. Bambam looked down at his hands, his fingers playing childishly, something he always did when he was nervous. That and constantly playing with his ears. “Are you okay?”

“I am,” Bambam nodded. “But I need to know if you’re okay too, Jaebum hyung. I need you to know that I am here too.”

“Of course I know that,” another shift from the top bunk passed through Jaebum’s ears. But his tired mind couldn’t process it, much less actually store it in his memories. Bambam only nodded and stood up from his bed, slipping out of his room. Jaebum blinked once or twice before laying back down, his eyebrows furrowed to the middle in utter confusion. But he felt at ease and it helped him tremendously when he fell back asleep.

 

* * *

 

The days came by easier with Bambam distracting him. Suddenly every living day had less pressure in Jaebum’s chest, despite the heavier responsibility on his shoulders. A comeback was only in a week and he had been in and out the recording studio and went through meetings after meetings. He no longer had the time to think about his heart ache, especially since Bambam would catch his attention any time Jackson was in the room.

He would laugh whole hardheartedly whenever Bambam and Yugyeom made a slightly but not too interesting joke because he can finally do that. And the trio often hung out, leaving the other four in question at times. Soon enough the two best friend clung onto his arms and dragged him along to almost every activity they wanted to do. Bambam was pretty observative too, he knew the tension between Jaebum and Jackson, so he became the wall between them. He managed to push Jackson away and into Jinyoung’s space while he himself continued to entertain Jaebum by getting into conversations, deep or shallow. Jaebum appreciated him. And Jaebum was thankful of him.

So much that he had missed all the longing looks Jackson threw his way. Smile so bright.


End file.
